Suicide is education as deterrence.

The law of Beaumont, in Northern France, states that a suicide is to be dragged “as cruelly as possible in order to make a show of the experience to others.”

Luther establishes that suicide is the devil’s education. The devil has taught suicides “to rush into voluntary death” and he has given them sword and rock and water to accomplish it.

The very same suicide is nothing less than divine pedagogy. “[T]hey are examples by which our Lord God wishes to show that the devil is powerful and also that we should be diligent in prayer. But for these examples, we would not fear God. Hence he must teach us in this way.”

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Minois, History, 35.
Martin Luther, Works, vol. 54, 29.

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I must admit that once I dreamt of neverness as flesh and blood as only deep sleep can. It is not clear if I leapt into the void to find them or if they traveled from forever away to meet me. But we are in a summer garden sitting at a long table. I am on one side and they sit on the other. There is a kettle and tea cups and a cake for each of them with one candle burning in it. I explain the gift of neverness. I share the lullaby so they know I think of them in not being able to be thought of. I show them a photo album that I carry with me in my heart of hearts.

Here are photos of never being harmed or harming others. Never living life in terror or terrorizing others. Never raping or being raped. Never killing or being killed, stabbing or stabbed, bombing or beaten to death.

Here are photos of never failing to protect and never wanting of being protected. Never abandoning or being left behind. Never torturing or being tormented. Never ridiculing, never mocking or being made to be small and ashamed. Never a gnawing hunger or depriving others of what they truly need. Never abusing, never lashing out with jealousy, never hatred, never cruelty, never being torn apart by the very same.

Here are photos of never breaking down or being shattered or breaking others into jagged pieces. Never losing the way, never being lost, never deceiving others about the way home so they are never found again. Never falling into the abyss or giving the final shove.

Here is a photo of never wishing never to have been born. Never cursing who brought you into this world. Never needing to search for a way out or a way just to get through.

Here are some final photos of never facing the shock or the creep of death. Never being terminal. Never counting down or distracting yourself from the countdown. Never being buried or needing to bury others. Never dying lonely and forgotten. Never mourning others or needing to be mourned.

I show them the photo album so maybe they can see the gift of neverness. Then the earth quakes and thunder rolls and I strain from across the table to hear anything from them if only in a still small voice. But there are no words. There are only faces that speak of no gratitude, no love, no loss, no recognition, no longing, no regret. The reunion happens in a moment. I take one last look. Then I walk to the other side and at each cake I stop and reach out my hand to cradle the flame. I make a wish and blow the candle out.